To Weigh the Heart's Inadequacies
by Black Silken Rose
Summary: Yusuke is unhappy, existentially incomplete. Upon Genkai's death, Hiei and Kurama are tasked with dealing with the mourning Toushin and dragging out of him everything that's destroying his will to continue. Loving, being loved, there is little else like it to convince him of worth he no longer feels he has, and even that is a trial. YusuxKuraXHi, Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

Hello again! I promised two new fics in one day and now I've delivered! This one is a Yusuke x Kurama x Hiei epic (of sorts), and boy do I have a roller coaster planned (at least, that's how I hope it'll read!). We're going the hurt/comfort route this time, but hopefully ending in the land of fluff-ish. You all should know by now it's never that simple. And, of course, lots of YusuKuraHi time, because the fandom needs more!

Warnings: This one's got a few. Mention of character death (in so far as the first chapter), lots o' sexual situations, light sexual trauma, mentions of suicide, and some general angst. I'll add warnings throughout as they become apparent, and try to give some heads ups piece by piece.

 **On to Chapter 1 of 20!**

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"The fuck."

Yusuke threw off his blankets with a frustrated kick, the offending articles landing in an untidy heap on the floor as he rose. Even though he'd only retired hours ago it felt like days since he'd moved, the uninhibited starlight that fell through scattered quartz circlets along the ceiling signaling that daybreak was still far off. He'd had enough of this place, enough of the quiet that came with it. He'd had enough of sitting idly, sleep be damned. Quietly, so not to rouse the others, the former detective pulled on his only pair of sweatpants and snuck through the open entryway, keen on getting out.

He didn't bother with the candles tucked in the hefty crate that was serving as his bedside table; the night was clear enough that he didn't need them. Also, the redhead had made it a point to hide the matches after one particular incident involving a fire and his long, Mazoku hair (he refused to believe that it was his fault - being a fire demon and all, Hiei should have known not to light one so close to him). Where he'd gotten matches in the first place was a mystery to him, as he was fairly certain none of them had the foresight to pack them before they'd begun their trek, but he knew better than to question it. There was a lot he didn't question when it came to their current situation, and as far as he was concerned that was definitely for the better.

His room wasn't at the end of the narrow hall, but it was further down than the other two's- meaning that he'd have to pass them if he wanted to go anywhere. It hadn't bothered him for the first few days, in fact he wouldn't have even noticed if not for the kitsune's little pep talk earlier and Hiei's silent agreement. He'd hated that, the way the two of them had just decided it was their job to gang up on him, whether they knew what was going on or not. Yusuke may not have been sure about much, be he was pretty damn certain that he didn't need a babysitter in all this. If he had, well, that was tough shit. The one person he probably would've listened to was getting comfortable under six feet of dirt about two hundred miles north of there, and he wasn't expecting any messages from the great beyond anytime soon.

That was a lie too. He'd already gotten his message and sure as Botan's hair was blue, he wasn't too set on following through with the request that had come with it.

He didn't hear any movement as he passed by the open entryway that denoted his former teammates' room but he held his breath anyway, knowing how deceptive the silence could be. Hiei had a bad habit of sneaking up on him when he thought he was alone. Scratch that, he thought indignantly, sliding his body against the cold stone wall so as to minimize his presence. Kurama was much worse than Hiei. In a lot more ways than just that.

When he'd gone a few paces without seeming to be noticed he finally let out his breath and sprinted quietly with bare feet the rest of the way, past the unused rooms and nooks and kitchen. The final archway opened up into what they'd affectionately dubbed "the main hall," which was really more of an atrium despite the vast amount of rock, and Yusuke paused.

He'd planned on going further, on escaping out into the woods, but the dark tunnel that led to the surface was somehow more foreboding than usual. Or maybe it wasn't. Stopping might have been the only thing keeping him from walking out and not turning back. He'd definitely considered it, and more than once at that; the place had a surprising potential for being suffocating even without his jailers. With them... well, he had been tempted to do a lot more than just leave. Plus, he wasn't sure if he could find his way back on his own if he wanted to, and didn't want them coming after him in the morning.

Still, the prospect of sitting idle wasn't one he was particularly pleased about. Stepping into the oval room, he began pulling off the few layers he had on, throwing them around haphazardly. Since an evening run (or hike, or whatever he'd end up saying he was doing after being caught) was out of the question, he'd decided to settle on the next best thing. Not much thought had gone into it if he was being honest, as it hadn't the last time he'd decided an impromptu swim was called for, but that was the furthest thing from his mind as his boxers hit the ground and he stepped from soft dirt into the circle of angel fine sand. Within seconds he was submerged in the hall's center pool, the water rippling where he'd made an impact, and his head momentarily numb.

Momentarily being the operative word.

He surfaced with a flourish, throwing his head back so that the water flew off of him in a graceful arc before shaking like a hosed down dog. The pool had been cold, shocking his overly warm skin upon first contact and cooling the immediate need for escape. Yusuke tread water for a bit before turning over onto his back to float, letting liquid fill his ears and the sound of his own breathing take over.

 _Stupid old hag had to fucking die._

The thoughts were creeping up on him, the ones he was trying to avoid by lying in bed, but it was somehow calming covered in icy blue and listening to the hollow sound of his breathing in his head. The change of scenery, however small, had done him some good at least. He knew that it wasn't her fault that he felt the way he did - no, he'd been feeling that way for a long time before she'd decided to kick it - but he could at least blame her for his entrapment.

She'd had all of the arrangements made before she died, all of the plans already set, taking all of the choice out of it. Kurama had been the only one informed, Yusuke found out later. It made sense; he was the only one of the three likely to have a real excuse not to go, and he'd been sworn to silence at that. The rest had been made aware at the funeral, as last wishes were read and a lawyer from Reikai presented them with her official will and testament.

Kuwabara had benefited the most from it as far as Yusuke was concerned (and he insisted on thinking of it like that, seeing as his cut was essentially punishment in his eyes) by getting the deed to the temple and all the land that went with it. Of course, as they were informed by the ogre in a suit who claimed to represent the old woman, it was no more than a formality; she'd made it very clear that the grounds were for all of them to share after her first encounter with being dead. Still, someone's name needed to be on it for the paperwork so that the human authorities wouldn't poke their noses in, and Kuwabara had been the most reliable. He didn't argue with the assessment, the most solemn member of Team Urameshi, instead asking his sister if she could run him a bag of necessities for the next few days while he holed up with his inheritance. In truth, they all expected he wanted to stay for Yukina, who was inconsolable.

Yusuke, on the other hand, had been invariably pissed.

The former detective let his body sink below the surface, closing his eyes as water pooled in the creases of his face. Bubbles fled from his nostrils in a steady stream, the whole thing a part of his not-so-serious contemplation of drowning. If anything, it was something he'd not fully experienced - not for a number of years anyway, since Rando had decided it was a good idea. It was an almost appealing sort of death, at least in that it was one he could arrange quietly without his watchdogs noticing until after the fact.

A curt cough was enough to notify him of the flaw in his thinking.

Biting back the urge to groan, Yusuke raised his head just so that it breached the surface of the water; he didn't however shift from his position of floating on his back. Somehow, changing his stature for the other's sake would have seemed like a concession, and Yusuke was far from the mood to concede anything. He could see his intruder just as well from where he was, so he lay there, cold and exposed in the water, wondering if ignoring him would be enough to rid him of his presence. It wasn't.

""Are you alright, Yusuke?" The former detective almost blanched at the other's voice, somehow managing to sound concerned and condescending in the same stroke. "You seem a bit off."

The temptation to sink was almost too much but Yusuke kept still, his eyes straining to make out the figure standing at the edge of the pool. Kurama was in his nightclothes, arms crossed over his chest, looking down patiently at his friend. Yusuke rolled his eyes at the ridiculousness that dictated the former thief be covered from ankle to neck on a night as warm as it was, but knew better than to comment on it. _Yeah, buddy_ , _I'm good. Just swimmin' with the fishes, or at least I think there are fish in here. Oh, and thanks for not staring at my junk - you're a trooper._

Kurama seemed to be waiting for a response that wasn't coming, clearing his throat upon the realization and continuing as if Yusuke had provided a smart comment instead.

"Can I be of assistance?"

Well, that was debatable, in Yusuke's opinion. He'd have considered it just peachy if the stuck-up redhead was willing to show him the way out of this place, maybe give him a few bucks for food on the way and wish him well, but he had a feeling that they were a few valleys and a mountain spring away from that one. On the other hand, it wasn't as if things would be all that different back in the outside world, and Yusuke was much happier to stay put so he could blame someone else for his situation - mainly, the one in front of him.

A few minutes passed in which Yusuke did not answer, his eyes open but not really focused on anything. Kurama watched him carefully, looking for something signaling that the other was not brain dead, before taking a step back.

"Alright. Goodnight, Yusuke."

The former detective closed his eyes, signaling that he'd heard but not actually acknowledging him, and the redhead departed.

 _Stupid old hag, stupid Kurama, stupid goddamn place_ , Yusuke thought to himself, but even the voice inside his head was too tired for malice.

Kurama slipped through the narrow arched entryway to his room as silently as he'd exited, taking care to slip off his sandals before continuing too far. Trailing dirt and sand was far too simple a task in a fortress made of stone, each and every gravelly speck threatening to stick to his feet or be scattered in his bed if he weren't careful. The change in setting had only added to his usual neurotic cleanliness; there wasn't much else to do but clean and organize while they waited for Yusuke to get accustomed to their situation. Hiei had already expressed a level of distress at his "nesting", as he called it; apparently watching the redhead perform mundane tasks in rhythmic succession was driving him to madness. He couldn't blame him really; none of them had been prepared for a hiatus from their usual lives, and none of them had been happy about it.

Still, they'd all come.

It wasn't that Kurama was surprised at Hiei's attendance; he'd just anticipated more of a conflict surrounding it. Getting Yusuke to accompany them had been understandably difficult - he'd really not been pleased about the somewhat underhanded methods he'd used to coerce him, playing on his guilt like he had. Hiei, though, hadn't taken such convincing. He'd been given the same information as Kurama (albeit later) and while the redhead knew he wasn't in complete agreement on at least matters of their methodology, he'd not made a fuss. With almost no conversation at all, he'd agreed, and here they were.

There was still a conversation that they'd need to revisit, and soon, but the redhead knew better than to throw himself at landmines.

He was aware of the fact that his tidying and constant business was a means of avoidance; he knew equally that Hiei was aware of this as well. Yusuke hadn't seemed to noticed but he was understandably preoccupied, which Kurama placed among his blessings - the preoccupation, not the reason for it. In truth, Genkai's death had caught him just as off guard as it had the others; though he'd been planning something along the same lines as what had been asked of him (perhaps not - just along the same pretense he supposed), the lack of an opportunity to plan it had left him somewhat blindsided. Worse yet, he had been forced to blindside Hiei with his intentions due to the nature of the request that had been left for them, and much of the tension within the stone fortress was coming from him, rather than Yusuke.

He was guilty of it as well, but decided he was hiding it the best. Then again, perhaps that wasn't right either.

Things with Yusuke did not seem to be improving; if anything, the half human had taken down the walls of pretense he'd still had up when they'd approached him for their little "journey." At that time he'd at least feigned feeling, a smile here, a jab at Kuwabara there, but for days there had been nothing but relative silence.

The first day he'd done nothing but sleep. Neither of them had questioned that; there was no doubt that the detective needed time to recover from his mentor's death and they were plenty willing to give it to him. Hiei still hadn't acclimated to the den by then - the constant presence of stone and lack of open air from being underground was suffocating to the fire demon- so he'd spent the day in the surrounding forest doing... whatever it was he did. Kurama had been perfectly content to spend the time tidying their new abode, cleaning all of the dust away and going through the rooms to collect whatever he could find and try to put it to good use. The less trips he had to make to the outside world the better, he knew, since any absence of his would be the perfect opportunity for an escape and he wasn't entirely convinced yet that Hiei would stop him.

On the second day Yusuke had been out of bed before even Kurama had risen, waking the others with a loud bang. The demon pair had invaded his room in a flash (for Hiei, that flash was literal) only to find the Toushin lugging crates out of the pile against the far wall one by one and digging through their contents like a child with a stack of birthday gifts. By the time they'd arrived, Yusuke had pulled out a rather large set of hedge cutters, some hundred year old sake, a mace, and what looked to be a rather large cooking pot that he was wearing on his head. The two had only stared at the other's apparent excitement at his discoveries, wondering silently exactly what Genkai had gotten up to when she'd inhabited the place, but deciding it was better not to know. Hiei had gone back to bed, and Kurama confiscated the pot, stating that he could use it to make breakfast. Neither of them bothered with the detective for the rest of the day, assuming that he was better left alone with his hoard until he decided what to do with his findings.

By the third day, Kurama was beginning to catch on to what the old warrior had warned him about. The morning was uneventful, the afternoon pleasant enough, and the evening came before he'd had a chance to notice. Yusuke had made himself visible enough times during the day that, had he not been him, Kurama wouldn't have noticed his absences. The detective busied himself with cleaning up the mess he'd made the day before, sweeping away the hay that had served as padding in the crates and helping Kurama find homes for whatever he'd decided wasn't worth stashing away for himself. He'd gotten into a miniature battle with Hiei over the last chicken leg at dinner, resulting in his bruised pride and immediate banishment from the table (Hiei was banished too, but disappeared with the leg before Kurama could scold him any further). Everything seemed, for all intents and purposes, fine. Yusuke seemed _happy_ even. Kurama couldn't help but to worry.

The fourth day, Yusuke made his first escape attempt.

Had he known the other was so willing to get himself hurt just to avoid being stuck with the two of them, Kurama might have reconsidered his security measures. He'd known well enough to expect _something_ from the Toushin, and at least anticipated something sort of resembling a plan on the other's part, but hadn't counted on just how affected Yusuke must have been. At first, the redhead didn't even recognize the burst in energy at the den's entryway for what it was - the signal crying out that one of his traps had been set off. In the immediate commotion and rush to the source, Kurama had almost failed to hide his surprise at finding not an intruder, but the detective strung up in heavy vines. One very angry detective.

He'd been half tempted to sedate him, with the way he was shouting and fighting back - despite knowing better when it came to one of Kurama's traps. His other half had been debating over how long to leave him like that, theorizing that he'd grow tired of his tantrum eventually, when Hiei had intervened. The redhead only glared at him as Yusuke had pushed past him roughly, making his way back inside and shouting about ripping his own door out of the rock, but at least not attempting to venture outside.

That had been a talk for later in the evening, one in which Kurama mostly seethed and threatened to change all the locks - as Hiei knew how to disarm the current flora - and the fire demon pretended not to listen.

No, neither Yusuke nor Hiei were remotely ready for what the old fighter had in store for them; Yusuke's part riding heavily on Hiei's involvement, so far as Kurama was concerned. He hadn't managed to find an answer that failed to include his fiery counterpart - though,there was debate between the two whether or not that was necessary or just pure stubbornness. Either way, Hiei's loss would no doubt be devastating to their cause, whether or not Yusuke was yet to be exposed to it. The former detective had a long way to go before he'd be in a position to give away what information Kurama needed to make his plan work, and though the kitsune was not keen on watching him suffer, he was more than prepared to do it.

Over this, among other things, Hiei did _not_ agree.

"Prison break?"

Kurama didn't let any sign that he'd been startled show on his face, but the fire demon could tell he'd been caught up in his thoughts when he'd spoken. The kitsune was looking at him peculiarly - though Hiei figured it was warranted, what with the way he was sulking on the sad looking excuse for a mattress on the far end of their room - but shook whatever had gone through his head off.

"No," the redhead said, the word sounding strained. He'd turned, making for his own bed with tired shoulders and neatly folding back the ragged excuse for a blanket that he'd found tucked away in one of the room's many aging crates. "He's just floating in the reflection pool. I believe he plans to sleep there." Hiei stared, the kitsune doing his best to ignore him while he ran his fingers through would-be tangles in his hair before finally caving and meeting the other's eyes. "What?"

"You don't find that disturbing?"

"Of course I do." Kurama didn't mask his frustration, though neither of them knew exactly at whom it was directed. "But if learning to swim is how he chooses to cope, who am I to argue?"

From the look on Hiei's face he'd been ready to challenge him, and passionately at that. Kurama had meant to glare at him to silence him, but the lines on his face only managed to communicate exasperation. The fire demon bit the inside of his cheek, watching as the other lay back on his bed and stared blankly at the ceiling. There was plenty of time and subjects to argue over; Hiei wasn't about to add to the list with unimportant drivel. Instead, he settled on condescending.

"You're straining yourself Kurama. If you really expect to follow through with this," he paused, consciously working to take away the heat in his voice in favor of something softer, "shouldn't it be easier?"

The kitsune didn't answer right away, quiet falling around them as seconds ticked by without so much as a breath. It was a slow movement when Kurama rolled onto his side, putting his back to the fire demon and pulling the blanket over shoulders they both knew were not chilled. The imiko felt suddenly empty; Kurama was rarely unsettled enough to give the other his back, and he'd not realized he'd hit a chord with his accusation until then.

"This is not the first time I've done this, Hiei." Then, more quietly, "Or do you not remember?"

Hiei's mouth was dry but he swallowed, a reflex while he considered words better spoken or left unsaid. After a moment's debate, the heat in the room had grown too stale for him to sit idle any longer, and he was left to live with his decision.

"I'm not the one who forgot." And just like that Kurama was alone in the too-large room, doomed to spend the night in exile.

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Thanks for reading, and if you like it leave me a nice comment!

Also, don't forget to find me on tumblr if you're looking for updates or just general YuYu fun!


	2. Chapter 2

Dear KuramaShadowFox (and other reviewers),

If you're wondering why it's been so long between updates of this story, the answer is _you_.

While I appreciate the enthusiasm that all my reviewers have, I can't express to you how horrible it feels as an author whose reviews only ask for updates. Just like waiting for the next chapter of your favorite fic, when authors posts their work we wait around with baited breath to see what our audience has to say about our stories. Reviews are how we know that our work is appreciated, but its impossible to feel good about the work we're creating when we look at our reviews and see that instead of someone taking the time to tell us what they liked or analyze what we've written, they're demanding more. Worse yet, there are more followers/readers than there are reviews, and that is so disheartening.

Fanfiction is not made for you. You are not entitled to it. You have no right to demand it.

Please, if you read something and you like it, the best way to ensure that a story is continued is to not make the author feel like shit. Instead of saying that you're disappointed there's no update, say how much you're excited to see what's coming next. Show us that you're actually into what's happening. Be detailed about what you like. Don't be a dick. _Leave an **actual** review._

This fandom is so small, please do your part in not alienating those of us trying to keep it going.

Much love,

Rose

* * *

When Kurama entered the atrium the next morning to take the day's meal requests, he found Yusuke buried up to his neck in sand, somehow fast asleep.

He'd really not meant to drift off; in point of fact, Yusuke had planned to fake sleeping in order to get Kurama off of his back once daybreak came, but the effort had been wasted. The kitsune had come, seen him in his ridiculous state, and left without bothering to wake him. Whatever he'd expected from the other, Yusuke found himself met with tense ignorance in its stead.

It was perhaps an hour later when the smell of smoked fish signaled to his brain that consciousness was a good idea, followed by a rumbling in his stomach and opening of his eyes. He attempted movement, the raising of his hand to rub at his cheek, but found it stunted by the pull of sand and remembered that he'd dug himself a hole to sleep in the night before. He honestly couldn't remember why he did it - something about how ludicrous the act was making it appealing in contrast to the monotony that his days had been filled with. Still, it took a while to dig his way out of his makeshift pit, only to bemoan his sand covered state.

 _Okay, shower first, then food._

The detective contemplated simply jumping back in the reflection pool, but the sand came with an itch that he knew soap would cure. The trip through the corridor to the washroom was also in part a spiteful one; Yusuke knew he was leaving a trail with every step and got a small bit of enjoyment out of knowing that it would drive Kurama mad. After all, the kitsune would sweep up this mess like he did every other, and never say a word about it.

It hadn't escaped him that a shower would also give him time to reflect - or at least to have to actively avoid the act - but that was bound to happen with time alone. What he was _really_ afraid of came with company; it was only a matter of time before Kurama or Hiei pried into his mind and he slipped up with his stupid habit of talking to them.

He really needed to kick that.

The water that fell through the hand carved piping in the stone ceiling was cold, earning an undignified yelp as it cascaded over the former detective's head, but it served its purpose well. Yusuke guessed that Hiei had been the last one to wash up, as the bar soap - which he was sure hadn't been there when they'd arrived - had been discarded carelessly on the slippery floor. Something about that irked Yusuke as he bent to pick it up; Hiei was usually careful about following Kurama's often unspoken rules about where things belonged and keeping tidy. He expected that its placement had been the result of a huff, and a recent one at that. Giving the bar a quick rinse before taking it to his skin and hair, Yusuke shook the thought away. He didn't want to think about what the two could have argued about. He didn't want to think about anything.

And yet the words _Dear Dimwit_ echoed in his mind whenever he found a moment of peace.

Yusuke sighed and leaned his forehead against the wall in front of him. The first time he'd held that piece of paper in his hand had been the only time he'd read it in completion. Not to say that he hadn't looked at it again - his eyes had scanned that page a sentence at a time whenever the urge to fall back on it became too strong - but he never made it further than a few lines before tucking it back away. He'd contemplated burning the letter; he'd even thrown it out once, only for Kurama to neatly smooth out the crumpled lines, not looking past the solely intended fold at the words beneath before placing it back in its owner's hands. It was a moot point, anyway. He'd drank the cool aid and come on their ridiculous journey, succeeded his command to the kitsune, and willingly locked himself away. Well, more or less willingly.

Or maybe the less was just his way of pretending it was beyond his control.

 _Dear Dimwit,_

What hurt the most was the way he could still hear her voice, punctuating the absence he felt at his side.

 _A long time ago, I told you that you can't be a cocky kid anymore. I won't pretend you haven't grown since then, but I'm not going to give you a speech about how proud I am of you either. You already know all of that, and sentimentality is for those who can afford it._

 _Neither of us can, especially since you're still an idiot._

Yusuke lifted his head, letting the stream of water pour over his eyes and nose. Not even the shock of ice was enough to break the commentary that was not his from rolling through his head, bitter and understanding at the same time. He'd hated that - how condescending she could be - but he couldn't say that it wasn't deserved. Every ounce of pain she'd pushed him to had been well deserved, and better rewarded.

 _The things that you're thinking and feeling right now have nothing to do with me, and damn you for making a dying old lady have to sit down and write this out since you won't get it on your own. It's plain sad that you've given me no doubts that I'm the one you'll blame when I finally go for what's happening to you.  
_

Somewhere not far off, Yusuke could feel the other two's energies meeting in hesitation. They lingered, then drifted from his awareness just as easily as they'd entered into it.

 _I know you're alone now, and that isn't something that you can pretend I've caused because it's a big fat lie. You aren't alone, and you never have been. Everyone's done their share to make sure that they're a part of your life, but you're the one that's keeping them at arm's length. You can't care about it if you're always holding yourself back in case it doesn't work out. We're tired of it, Yusuke. And we're tired of seeing you suffer because of it._

The water stopped abruptly. Yusuke blinked, reaching up to feel around the end of the small pipe that it had come from to see if it was blocked. A few drops dribbled out, but no more. _Fuck._ Yusuke's fist hit the stone wall limply, the movement more unconscious than anything. Hiei had definitely been in here before him, and Kurama likely before that, using up the day's water allowance. The store would replenish in time, but the basin above his head was one of the many that needed filling in the cavern, so for the time being he was out of luck. Sniffling and wiping his nose with the back of his wet hand, Yusuke instantly regretted not bringing in a towel.

 _It's time to pull your head out of your ass and finally let yourself be happy. Since you're not willing to do it for yourself, do it for this dead hag.  
_

There was a sudden burst of cold, breaking off the voice in his head. Yusuke's hands met his face, fingers digging into his temples as he returned to the moment he was in, this time completely. These incidents had been increasing; the quiet that he'd been seeking evading him from within when it wasn't interrupted by the others. Or perhaps it was caused by the quiet. The first few days had been filled with avoidance through distraction, and that had worked well enough... up until he had stepped on one of Kurama's plants. That had been an error in judgment: trying to get out without expecting some sort of obstacle. Whatever the reason, they'd been brought here, and he was going to have to deal with it.

He was sure that Kurama knew more than he did, at least, but finding out anything more would mean actually _talking to Kurama._ The thought alone made him groan.

The quick journey from the washroom to his quarters left more chilled than the water had; he'd not bothered covering up, despite having to walk past the kitchen's open entryway. His gaze didn't even shift as he swept by, Kurama glancing up from his cooking with a raised eyebrow but not saying anything about the trail of droplets he was leaving. Hiei was there too, from what Yusuke could sense from earlier, but wasn't within his immediate sight.

Though Kurama hadn't woken him, he had collected his clothes before leaving the atrium, leaving the ragged pair of pants folded on the former detective's nightstand. Yusuke slipped back into them after toweling off rushedly with a blanket, not caring whether must would set in or that he had worn them just the day before. With moderate covering, he headed back the way he'd come. _Eat now, talk later._ Certainly it couldn't hurt.

"Rice or eggs?"

Kurama's face didn't change as he set a bowl down in front of Hiei, who seemed to be ignoring him. In fact, it was Hiei's expression that shifted upon Yusuke's entry, curious if not wary. The fire demon was sitting nearest to the wall, where Yusuke usually sat, closed off and cornered. Yusuke made a face back at him as he took the seat nearest to the door, unhappy with the switch in places.

"Did you make eggs?" Yusuke's eyes flicked between the two demons, taking in the fact that Hiei wasn't helping with the meal. That was usually Yusuke's role: Kurama cooked, Hiei saw to the place settings - or anything that didn't require culinary skill - and Yusuke complained. Hiei didn't seem about to speak, so Yusuke didn't comment on it.

"No, but I can if you'd like them." The former detective rolled his eyes, swiping the rice that he'd just given Hiei out from under him and sticking his fingers in it. Hiei glared, but didn't attempt to recapture it. Another thing he didn't comment on.

"Has anyone ever told you the 'fake nice' is annoying?" Kurama smiled, and Yusuke took that as a yes. Replacing Hiei's rice with a new bowl, the redhead finished setting the table with soup and mackerel before seating himself across from the others. Though nothing seemed particularly wrong, Yusuke couldn't help but feel unsettled. There was a bit of quiet, filled only by the sounds of the demon pair partaking in the meal, before Yusuke let out a gargantuan sigh.

"You guys really know how to make a guy feel like he's in rehab." He muttered, peeking over at Hiei. The fire demon didn't respond - not even with a smart insult or a smile - and continued to eat. Kurama, on the other hand, smirked.

"What makes you say that?"

Yusuke blanched, then took a large bite out of his fish. When he spoke he didn't wait until he'd swallowed, chewing vulgarly as he went.

"Come on, Kurama. I get why Genkai brought me out here, but it's like I've done something wrong. This whole stupid thing is supposed to be about me, right? But now I've got you two as my keepers and- "

"I'm not your keeper."

Hiei's voice was almost foreign for disuse, it's unexpectedness throwing off Yusuke's complaint. He was tempted to argue that point, but something about the way the other had said it stopped him. Hiei didn't pause what he was doing, carefully rooting around his bowl of rice before eating in small bites, as if he were suspicious of its contents. Yusuke stared.

"Neither am I," Kurama spoke, his eyes meeting Hiei's for the first time since Yusuke had entered the room. There was a second of stalemate before the redhead shifted his attention, his face softening. He didn't offer any more on the subject, switching gears. "I see you're more contented now than before."

Yusuke made a face, one that clearly told the redhead that he didn't know where he was going with that sentence and to just cut to the chase. Kurama smiled, and elucidated.

"You didn't try to escape last night. Why?"

 _Damn it._ They'd gotten to that much more quickly than Yusuke had anticipated. It was an even more unwanted question than he'd thought it would be, the contents of his stomach turning as he tried to think up an excuse. Kurama waited, patient and unchanging and utterly annoying.

"There's nothing out there for me," he said, almost as if he were unaware of it, the sudden pressure he felt taking the form of words. The taste in his mouth had turned bitter. "I might as well stay here."

"Yes, I'm sure your fiancé feels the same."

The table shifted, knocking into Kurama's gut as Yusuke stood, curses slipping from his tongue wildly. Hiei didn't move - despite the bowls of miso spilling all around him - as if he hadn't spoken to begin with. Had there been a door Yusuke would've slammed it, but in its absence he had to suffice to storm away, his voice echoing in the corridor as he went.

Kurama pulled his chair out without a word, his hand over the spot that the table had dug into. He turned toward the stove, pulling a towel off the rack and throwing it in Hiei's face before sauntering out of the kitchen after the former detective. Hiei only sat quietly, dropping the towel into the puddle on the table before pulling at his hair.

"Yusuke?"

He could hear Kurama calling from the hall. That was the biggest problem with the stronghold, in his opinion: it was far too small to give him any space to himself. Even the atrium, with its high ceiling and large circumference, managed to shrink at the thought that there was no accessible way outside of it.

 _Trapped like a_ fucking _animal._

Yusuke's eyes darted between his reflection in the pool and the dark tunnel that led to the surface, pitch black despite night being over. Regret at not digging his way out at the first opportunity swelled up within him, followed quickly by a fresh bout of anger at being held hostage in the first place. He wanted to scream. He wanted to hit something: namely Hiei. As the bitter reality that he was not going to be left alone pushed at his back, the target of that rage shifted.

After all, if anyone knew anything, it was Kurama.

"Days like this make me miss Makai." Kurama's voice rang out smoothly after a moment of silence, a break between Yusuke's outburst and his stepping into the room. It hadn't been long enough; Kurama could see the way the tension was wound through the former detective's back like a coil ready to burst. Yusuke wondered if he only bothered to annoy him. "Rather, most days I miss it. It is home, after all."

"Then why don't you just go back?"

Kurama made a move forward, but not directly, circling around one of the larger rocks between him and where the other stood near the water. Yusuke had to fight the urge to turn and charge at him, to demand to know why he was even there in the first place. A growl rose up in his gut, but swallowed it. _Let it go,_ he thought to himself, _Let me go._

"Sometimes I think I might. You know, I'd originally planned on abandoning Ningenkai when I first took this form. And then again after I'd given my mother the life I thought she deserved."

He knew what Kurama was doing: trying to talk him down. It was something he'd done before to change the focus of his anger; he'd start by nonchalantly bringing up something that seemed unrelated to what had upset Yusuke in the first place, get him to form a logical conclusion about it, and then somehow turn it around on him. Kurama had a knack for playing middleman between him and his feelings, but this time Yusuke wasn't having it. Rarely did he find himself upset at the redhead, but it wasn't often that he felt he needed to call him out on his secret keeping either. If Kurama insisted on pushing, so would Yusuke.

"Then what are you still doing here?"

"I'm here because I'm not a demon."

"You're not human, either."

Yusuke wasn't looking at him, facing away from him entirely, but he could feel the gears turning in the redhead's mind. Kurama had paused, something that Yusuke found he was acutely aware of despite not wanting to care, his anger having shattered the trajectory of the other's conversation. He breathed in raggedly, eyes closing tightly and running a hand back through his hair as he tried to salvage a moment by ignoring the thoughtful presence behind him. He wasn't given the chance; something had changed in Kurama's mind. Yusuke could tell by the way his tone shifted at the opening of his mouth.

"Aren't I?"

"Could've fooled me." Yusuke turned on his heel, putting the water behind him.

It hadn't been what he'd wanted to say, but the words had come more naturally than the ones he'd been trying to form. Kurama was looking at him with a strange expression - one that clearly showed he did not know what he'd done - and that settled it. With the strange advantage, the former detective let his tongue lash, goal thrown askew.

"You know Kurama, you've got that whole 'good son' facade going on, but I don't know who you're fooling into thinking you're just a normal guy."

"Yusuke?" Kurama stepped forward, but stopped himself before going any further. Something behind his eyes raced: a movement Yusuke identified as figuring out how he could take what was being said and use it for his purposes. "I've always felt that you've treated me as normal, and as human." Yusuke sneered.

"Just listen to yourself, Kurama. You're always so prim and proper and fucking awkward. It's obvious that you're playing at something, so just spit it out already!"

He'd not meant to shout, but the anger was far from dying down. He'd hit a nerve - an opportunity that he'd never been able to exploit before - and Yusuke'd be damned if he wasn't going to take advantage of that. The words that he'd spoken earlier were beginning to feel untrue: anything was better than this. He didn't want to be here. Hiei didn't want to be here. At the very least, he was going to make Kurama feel the same.

"Is that really what you think of me?"

Kurama's body language shifted all at once, the tense and carefulness falling from each of his limbs one by one. His shoulders slumped, arms hanging slack and fingers relaxing. The words left him in a single breath, as if the table that had knocked into his gut had done damage yet again.

"Is that really how I appear to you?"

Yusuke faltered, the rage rolling right into a wall of confusion. Something wasn't right; Kurama was supposed to challenge him, to bring everything back around to the reason why they were there. He was supposed to fight, to call Yusuke a child for acting so spoiled despite coming of his own accord, and to give him at least a piece of what he knew he wanted, whether or not it was good for him.

He _wasn't_ supposed to take things to heart, or to look as if the question itself hurt.

"Come on Kurama, don't pretend you're oblivious to this." Yusuke spat off to the side, the bitter taste still there. The look painted on the redhead's face was utterly unnerving; it reminded him of years ago when he had slipped and mentioned the other's demon name in a conversation with Shiori, and the second of simultaneous relief and panic that passed through Kurama's eyes in covering it up. One second, yet Yusuke could recognize parts of whatever emotion that had been in him now.

It was harder to be spiteful when Kurama was looking at him like that.

"I've always thought we've stood on even ground. No one's expressed this to me before, least of all you."

Slowly, the lines of Kurama's face hardened. His posture shifted, ever so slightly, and he regained the height that he had lost. Yusuke watched as the unknown became the familiar, the pit in his stomach dropping lower as he realized what was happening. Contrary to the other, this was a face he recognized, and lamented causing. _Roto. Gama._ That _bastard._

"Kurama..."

He spoke more quietly than before, timid all of a sudden. It was too late; he knew from the way the other looked through him with eyes as unreadable as the dead. The redhead took a step away, folding his arms behind his back.

"The reason, Yusuke, is because you've always made me feel as if I were human. I did not realize we were in disagreement on that matter." He turned curtly, striding gracefully in the direction of hall he had come from before. "Please, excuse me."

Yusuke had never realized the stillness of the air until then.

The sight of the other's back was like ice water, cooling the heat in Yusuke's veins almost instantaneously. As Kurama disappeared from sight, so did the impotent fire that he'd been ready to throw. Yusuke licked his lips, as if there were something that he could say to the space before him to summon Kurama back, but neither incantation nor apology came to mind.

"Damn it!" he shouted, kicking violently at the sand beneath his feet. It made a soft noise on impact with the water, but settled. Yusuke stared at the ripples he'd caused listlessly, fighting with feeling pent up and exhausted all at the same time.

They'd only been there days, and he'd already erupted.

"Are you really trying to make enemies of your guardians?"

Yusuke's whole body groaned in a single, defeated movement. He'd had no idea that Hiei was there, let alone how much he'd seen. Likely all of it, he settled on, between his ability to mask his presence and the use of the Jagan. Though Hiei claimed never to use it for petty reasons, secretly accusing him of of doing so somehow made Yusuke feel better about being spied on. The impish demon was perched on a rock on the other side of the cavernous atrium, around the curve of the reflection pool but close enough to be heard without raising his voice.

"Cut the shit, Hiei. I'm sure this was all part of the stupid, goddamn plan." Yusuke smirked halfheartedly, "Besides, you're only here because you know it's your fault, right?"

Hiei didn't say anything, watching Yusuke and leaning back on the rock as if he were somehow comfortable: an obvious gesture that he had no intention of letting him off the hook so easily. Weighing his options, Yusuke glanced at the hallway that Kurama had disappeared down. There wasn't much to the compound; his only real choices were to stay put or potentially cross paths with the redhead again. Besides, even if he did want to try for the tunnel out, Hiei's rock was conveniently between him and the pathway. Not that he really thought he'd be able to outrun him either way.

"So, what did fox-boy do to get your panties in a bunch?"

The casual tone that Yusuke was aiming for fell somewhat flat, marred by the fact that the anger he'd been pushing onto the redhead was redirecting to himself. From the look of him, Hiei didn't seem to be asking for another argument: a lucky happenstance as most of Yusuke's contempt had been used up. It was a selfish willingness to let the fire demon's earlier comment slide, one that allowed him not to have to think of its implications. He'd thought enough for one day.

"I don't know what you're implying, but stop."

Yusuke chuckled at that, short but genuine. For the least objectively pleasant of the three of them, Hiei always had a knack for goading the former detective into a smile when he least wanted to. It was rarely intentional, this time included; it was Hiei's turn to resort to glaring.

"You should be nicer to him."

"That's rich, considering you two are fighting."

Hiei didn't respond right away, looking at him with an almost accusatory face and causing Yusuke to bite his tongue. He hadn't meant to throw that on the table, especially after isolating himself earlier. Still, there was no guarantee whether or not Hiei would take offence; though he and Kurama were often in sync, the rules that they played by were not the same. In the many years that they'd worked together, Yusuke had learned to wait for Hiei's reaction before assuming anything. It seemed to be a good move; though the fire demon didn't look particularly pleased at the observation, he didn't get prickly.

"What makes you say that?"

Yusuke rolled his eyes, relaxing a bit.

"I'm not _blind_."

Whatever Hiei had planned to follow up with didn't come, his mouth snapping shut. Yusuke found himself wanting to smile at that.

It hadn't been all that long since they'd arrived at the compound, but in all that time very little of it had been spent with Hiei. Part of that had been Hiei's fault - he'd certainly found his own way out and had used it as often as he could - but there was more than enough blame to pass to Yusuke. The short conversation that they'd shared had been done over meals and on shallow topics to either pass the time or to feign normalcy, neither of which really worked. Before that had been the funeral, a moment of uncharacteristic condolences on the fire demon's part, and before that... it had been months. Visits over the last year had been sporadic: first because of Hiei's responsibilities in Makai.

That time had flown quickly, though, and Hiei had come back. For all Yusuke knew, he'd been in Ningenkai the whole time. He didn't know. He didn't want to know. Even so, something inside him whispered that he'd been at the temple the night...

"You falling out of touch with Ningenkai is not and will never be Kurama's fault, so stop taking it out on him."

The half-smile fell from Yusuke's face in an instant. Hiei had set him with a look that said he meant business, standing and taking a step toward the other to recapture his attention.

"Is that what I'm doing?" The former detective drawled sarcastically, rubbing his temple. His head was beginning to hurt with the day's confrontation. _Why are you sticking up for him anyway,_ he thought as loudly as he could, but if Hiei could hear he ignored the question.

"Yes." Yusuke frowned at the way Hiei had shut him down, the other looking entirely not amused. "And you'd best not make enemies of your only ties to it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Yusuke raised an eyebrow, asking without words whether or not that was a threat. Hiei sighed loudly, clearly annoyed at having to use so many words to explain himself. The two fighters locked eyes, but there was no heat. This was talk, plain and simple, not a battle. Yusuke dropped his guard, and Hiei continued.

"You're a fool if you think that Ningenkai is an empty place."

"Yeah? And since you love it so much, why don't you fill me in on what it is then." The condescending that Yusuke threw back at him was halfhearted, more curiosity that he was trying not to show.

Hiei started to say something - no doubt something rude - but stopped. Pursing his lips, he turned away, walking in a full circle. Yusuke almost jumped up to ask where he was going when he realized that he was pacing out of frustration of a question he'd not been prepared to answer: nor wanted to if he had to guess. When he finally stopped, it was an act of defiance, as if he'd found a way to say what he meant without actually saying anything. The strangeness of his voice was enough to prove it so.

"If you haven't noticed Yusuke, I stopped trying to trounce humanity ages ago. Have you ever wondered why?"

"Well, yeah," Yusuke blurted out, thrown. "You've gone all soft after all those years tagging along with me."

Hiei went quiet, studying the other's face for a moment before resigning himself to something. Yusuke watched while feeling scrutinized, as if he'd failed some sort of test he didn't know he'd been taking.

"That's an idiot's answer," Hiei said after a moment of silence, shaking his head disapprovingly, but dropping the subject in favor of his original message. "Stop picking fights with your last resources there."

He'd seemed to hit his threshold for conversation, sauntering past the other in the direction that the redhead had dispersed. Yusuke just watched as he went, shrinking against the backdrop of rock and shadow as he moved closer to the entryway. A thought struck him just as the other was about to vanish, calling out before he had a moment to think about what he'd gain from asking.

"Aren't you doing the same thing I am, then?" Hiei paused in the arch, placing a hand against the stone and turning ever so slightly toward the voice that had rung out. Clearly perturbed at being called out for his own arguments, Hiei feigned neutrality.

"No. Mine have reasons, not excuses." Then, he was gone.

The rest of the day passed with agonizing slowness, each second ticking by feeling like hours. When Yusuke finally caved and sought out Kurama for apology, he was nowhere to be found. Turning his attentions to Hiei, Yusuke found an absence in his place as well.

* * *

This chapter turned out to be over 1,000 words longer than the limit I'd set, and that's with all of the cuts I made to make it fit. There's so much that's meant to fit into 20 chapters - let's see if it actually will!

If you like what you're reading, leave a review. If you didn't read the pre-chapter notes, go back and do that first.


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